How Harry Did It
by Toki Mirage
Summary: Harry was six the first time he learned he had super powers. His first prank was levitating Mrs Wiggs's wig during class. He was hooked. And then he went to Hogwarts. This is the story of how Harry did it. Warning: Humour
1. Chapter 1

**How Harry Did It**

Harry was six the first time he learned he had super powers. And the only reason he knew why he had super powers was because of the comic books that Dudley read and then left laying about. His favourite had to be the Green Lantern. One, he was green. Two, he had a ring that could do all sorts of cool things. And three, Dudley hated him. For reasons yet to be discovered.

So, because Harry was so enamoured with his new super hero, he had tried to do cool things like said super hero.

The first time he floated Mrs. Wiggs's wig off of her head in the middle of class, he had been hooked. No one had figured out how he did it, but the little old lady was for some odd reason completely certain that it was Harry's fault.

They never found any proof.

The next time Harry managed to use his super cool powers was during Harry Hunting. Dudley and his gang had taunted him in the school yard until he'd snapped and started calling them dirty names back. Apparently fat people didn't like you calling them fat, because Harry had been running for it the moment he saw Dudley's face turn red.

Just when he was about to get caught, Harry had hid behind a trash can and wished with all his might to be anywhere but under Dudley's fists and feet for the rest of recess. After an odd squeezing sensation, he found himself on the roof, with no idea how to get down. The teachers didn't notice him until he'd had to resort to shouting after school for one of the departing adults' attention. Needless to say, they never figured out how Harry managed to get himself stuck on a roof when the access doorway was locked and there were no pipes around the school to climb up.

Harry managed many other super hero feats during his childhood. One, the Dursleys never had cold milk. The moment it was removed from the fridge, it was room temperature. Two, the weeds Harry pulled out of the garden would relocate themselves to the potted plants. Three, the television always broke during a teletubbies show.

Teletubbies were evil.

When 'the letter' finally came to admit Harry to super hero academy, he was ecstatic. Of course, he didn't know it right away, as Petunia managed to rip it out of his hands before he could open it, but a few well placed super tricks and he had a ticket to superdom.

The rest of the summer was excruciatingly painful. Harry kept checking off the dates on his calendar, but no one came to pick him up for weeks, and the letters kept coming. How was Harry supposed to stop the attack of the letters? Super powers could only do so much.

And then 'that man' came. The man with the scowl. The man with the greasy black hair. The man who swooped into the living room while the Dursleys were watching sitcoms and _sneered_ so beatifically it Dudley peed his pants.

From that day forth, Harry pledged his allegiance to the sneer of sneers. He had a new superhero now.

_-Toki Mirage-_

Totally not what I usually write, but the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone, so I had to get it out. This is probably going to be a miniseries of interesting 'mysteries' at Hogwarts. :P


	2. Chapter 2

**How Harry Did It**

Chapter Two:

When Harry met the Weasley Twins for the first time, he officially declared them rivals. Well, in his head. Because to do so out loud would reveal him as a prankster, and stealth was the name of the game.

"I'm Ron. Ron Weasley," the apparent relative of The Twins introduced himself.

Harry blinked. "Harry. Harry Potter," he said after shaking the outstretched hand. He tilted his head curiously at the look of awe on the redhead's face.

"H-harry Potter? Really? Can I see the scar?"

Harry stared. "What scar?"

The Weasley frowned. "The one on your forehead."

Harry blinked before just barely holding the grin off his face. "What scar?" he asked, flipping up his forehead.

Ron gasped. "W-what? There's n-no scar?"

Harry was a picture of innocence. "I don't know what it is about this scar fetish of yours, but I assure you I have no unnatural skin lesions."

"B-but you're Harry Potter. You have to have the scar."

Harry shrugged, inwardly gleeful at the chaos he was already spreading. "Well, obviously I don't have the scar. So does this mean I'm not Harry Potter? Maybe I should change my name."

But Ron's answer to that was interrupted.

"Hello. I'm Hermione Granger. Have either of you seen a toad? Neville's lost one."

Harry turned to the disruption and couldn't help but stare at the mane of fluffy, brown, frizzy, brown hair. Reaching forward, he stuck his hand into the nest. The girl pulled away with a taken aback look. "What are you do-"

Harry delighted in the shocked look on her face as she saw the frog in his hand. "I don't suppose this is the toad you're looking for, huh? In fact, I think it's a frog. Do you collect frogs, Hermione?"

The girl didn't seem to have anything to say to that.

The toad was found, but not before it had mysteriously changed to the colour orange. Neville, having little practical magical experience, decided to leave it alone, and Ron spent the rest of the trip complaining about how he wished he could make his rat look more interesting by turning it orange.

The rat developed a mushroom growth on its but a few hours later.

Harry caught a glimpse of The Twins while the train disembarked, but was unsuccessful in determining if his rivals had cast any pranks yet. Harry figured he had a head start, but you never knew what tricky tricksters could come up with.

On the ride to the castle, Harry managed to tip his boat three times, each time appearing mysteriously dry after the dunking. When his boat mates asked him how he did it, all he said was 'Magic', and for once the answer didn't get him a beating.

Harry decided Hogwarts was super cool.

_-Toki Mirage-_

I should go to bed. It's 4:30 am and I just posted the second chapter to a crackfic… (looks shifty)


	3. Chapter 3

**How Harry Did It**

Chapter Three:

Harry decided the Hogwarts Great Hall was a super power unto its own. The ceiling looked like the _sky_.

When it was his turn for the Sorting, he found himself disappointed that there were indeed no trolls to take down for entry into Hogwarts. Harry could have done it. Totally. Pulling the overly large hat onto his head, he started in surprise when a voice spoke inside his head.

_Oh my… very interesting indeed, Mr. Potter. You would do well in Slytherin._

Harry blinked. Why would he do well in Slytherin? What was so great about the house that all the dark wizards came from?

_Well, it is full of those with ambition. I can see you have ambition, even if it is… prank oriented._

Harry panicked. He didn't want the hat to spread his secret! He couldn't have that!

_I will not tell anyone. Please, stop trying to destroy my enchantment._

Harry blinked. _Oh. Sorry hat. So, where you gonna put me? Oh wait, where does everyone _expect _me to go?_

_I imagine they think you would do well in Gryffindor, but-_

_Put me in Slytherin._

The hat paused for a moment before yelling out "SLYTHERIN!"

The school was silent, and Harry grinned as he skipped over to the Slytherin table. He sat across from that stuck up blond he'd tripped on the Hogwarts Express earlier and held out his hand. "Harry Potter," he introduced with a bright smile.

The blond blinked in surprise before shaking the proffered hand. "Draco Malfoy."

"Aaah, I was wondering what the rest of the last name was. You got cut off when you tripped."

The blond's cheeks burned red, and he opened his mouth to say something when the last student, Zabini, was sorted into Slytherin and a man with a long white beard stood at the head table. Harry ignored the blond and turned to watch.

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts. Blobber, oddment, and tweak."

Harry grinned when the Headmaster sat back down and food appeared at the tables. He could definitely learn to like the old geezer. He was tempted to start a 'contest of the robes', but figured it would blow his now Slytherin cover.

Too bad.

But then, he could always have someone else be a proxy… An evil smirk twisted his lips as his eyes were magnetically drawn to one Draco Malfoy.

The blond was going to be waking up to an interesting wardrobe the next morning.

Forcing the devious plots from his expression, he adopted a look of complete innocence and avoided his water goblet for the rest of the night. For some reason, scotch had seemed to mysteriously appear in all the student's goblets. Harry took to drinking straight from the pumpkin juice container, as he couldn't be bothered to try to find another glass.

Needless to say, many students got drunk before the teachers figured out what was going on.

And it took the drunk Prefect five minutes to figure out how to pronounce his dreadfully difficult password to a stone wall in the middle of the dungeons.

"Why did he pick such a hard password?" Harry asked innocently to whoever might be listening.

One of the older students, drunk, scoffed. "Likesamake it diffcult for zfirstiez, myeah."

Harry frowned. "Why would he do something like that and then go get smashed?"

He pouted when no one seemed to know the answer.

When they finally got inside, it was to the sight of the sneer of sneers. Harry immediately started bouncing on his feet. His house assignment had put him closer to his mentor of sneers! He inwardly cheered.

He couldn't wait to see SoS's wardrobe spiffed up.

_-Toki Mirage-_

If you're actually reading this fic, you can thank Spanderholic for this chapter. I _was_ going to go to bed, but he/she was amused. :P


End file.
